I’ll tie my worth to academic validation
“Who am I without my academic achievements?”
I tried, thrived, and did everything to prove my worth as an academic achiever. I let myself exhaust my well-being just to get wins and perfect scores.
As everyone told me that I am smart for achieving all of those, questions run through my head. Am I really smart or just hard-working? Those sleepless and crying nights that nobody heard. Behind those achievements, I never received the satisfactions within myself. I am just relieved that I didn’t fail, and it’s all done.
Yet, I can’t help but compare my capabilities to others who’s better than me. That I should have pushed myself to work harder. That I should have just tolerated the headaches and sleepless nights.
The weight of their comparisons and expectations is racing in my heart as the thoughts of being a disappointment pressure me to death. I never got to congratulate and say the I am proud of myself for achievieng all of that. I never acknowledge the tears and sweats that I consumed just to be an achiever.
I scraped my own skin just to see that someone was proud of me.
I will always crave academic validation, as I believe that is the only way that I can prove my worth.
